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Can't believe i forgot what today was. Still can't believe that i don't remember. *sigh* i feel like a stupid, bratty, shitty bitch right now. April 11...it's either the day my grandma died, or her birthday. My memories so fucking shot now that i don't remember...THIS IS SOMETHING YOU DON'T FORGET! ugh. Boo me. I suck major ass right now, i know.
Had an awfully weird dream last night...well...now that i think about it, it's not weird, it's what i wanted. Long story short, i had a dream that some gorgeous mystery guy picked me up at a club ( i wasn't drunk or anything, btw.) But basically he picked me up from a club, we went back to his "loft" i think it's called, yeah, and we did it. But instead of just pulling out of me and rolling away,
he held me thru the night and whispered sweet nothing's into my ear. Yeah, i know sex, sex, sex with a stranger, whorebag, yada-yada-blah, but it's this one thing he said to me that really got me... "I'll want you, even when no one else does. I'll love you even when you don't love yourself..." So of course i flip out cause i don't know this dude from Adam & Seacrest! So i just completely go off with "Dude! Double U-Tee-Eff!? I so don't know you. I'm just a quick lay-" Then he was all like, "No you're not. I've never believed in love at first sight, but then you walked past and changed it all...You had me before hello...". I laughed right in his face, got my shit and left. I made it as far as the other side of his front door then cried my friggin eyes out. I guess he heard me and came to check on me. He apologized for being a jerk, then i was like, no, it was me. Then he carried me back into the house, placed me on the bed, and went back to telling me how special i was.
So much for long story short huh? Basically i think i need to be needed. And i want to be wanted. I know, i always complain about codependent people...so, does this mean i've become something i hate with a passion? So do i hate myself now?
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moosheeruh22